Sportsman's Blog

A Little Friday Humor; Minnesota Style

The Ten Commandments

(Minnesota Style)

1. Der's only one God, ya know.

2. Don't make that fish on your mantle an idol.

3. Cussin ain't Minnesota nice.

4. Go to church even when you're up nort.

5. Honor your folks.

6. Don't kill. Catch and release.

7. There's only one Lena for every Ole. No cheatin.

8. If it ain't your lutefisk, don't take it.

9. Don't be braggin bout how much snow ya shoveled.

10. Keep your mind off your neighbor's hotdish.

 

©2010 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

A Little Friday Humor...Bubba Style

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
 
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic…and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
 
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, 'You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.
 
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood once again. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
 
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.

Enjoy your weekend!!

©2010 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

It Takes A Warped Sense Of Humor, But....

This little tidbit was just passed along to me from the Rapid City, South Dakota area.   Apparently earlier this year someone had dumped an old couch into the ditch as litter.   Later, a deer was hit by a car in the same general area.   Of course, some prankster got the bright idea of placing the deer laying on the couch.

It didn’t end there.   Eventually an end table with a lamp was deposited at the scene by other fun-loving pranksters.   Followed shortly thereafter by a TV and TV stand.   Then, of course, what would the whole scene be without someone making a political statement, too.

"Sorry Hunters, Obama ruined healthcare. We can't afford to have injured hunters on our conscience…stayed home! Sorry,the Deer."

(Photo Credit – Unknown)

 

I’m told the scene became such an attractive nuisance for people stopping to take pictures along the road it had to be removed by the SD DOT for safety reasons.

 

BLOGGER’S NOTE: I have now also seen this e-mail stating the picture was taken in Pennsylvania…and I suspect others have changed the details to their favorite state.   What is interesting IS NOT so much the location, but rather what is shown in the picture.

 

©2010 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

And Now A Comedy About Ice Fishing?

Guys on Ice | Actors Theater of Minnesota

via www.actorsmn.org

What is it with all the musical comedies about us sportsmen here in Minnesota. First, it was the Deer Camp Musical...and now this. Can't these stage actors take us sportsmen a bit more seriously?

HUMOR: An E-mail Simply Too Good NOT To Be True

Finally, some honesty in big buck photo competitions.

Here's a unaltered picture of the soon-to-be new world record whitetail.   It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's cousin.   Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standards and was shot in West Texas on a really windy day around a curve.   Supposedly, this deer had killed a brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six door-to-door salesmen[changed to protect the innocent] in the last two weeks alone.   They said it was winning a fight with bigfoot when it was finally shot.

Blogger’s Note: I take no credit for either the photo or the copy…just passing along a bit of Email humor on this hump day.

Mocking The Ice Fishing Shanty As A Form Of Art

It started with one shanty on the frozen Medicine Lake. In this feral environment, the project has grown to include 20 art shanties and 15 mobile performances. Art Shanty Projects 2010 promises an interactive, engaging art community. ASP is free and open to the public on weekends from January 16 through February 7, 2010.

via www.artshantyprojects.org

Well, it's not exactly ice-fishing as it was meant to be, but I guess imitation is the purest form of flattery. Check out these interesting works of Ice Shanty Art being featured on a Minnesota lake.

©2010 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Friday Humor: The 4 Bottles of Life

Here’s a little humor for this glorious late-summer Friday.

Life summarized in ..... 4 bottles. 

Crap, I'm already on the 3rd one!!!

 

© 2009 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

A Little Friday Fun Humor -- Enjoy!

I saw this cute video posted on someone’s Facebook page and figured I better share it with my blog readers.   Enjoy this Friday humor.   Have a great weekend and be sure to spend some time “gettin’ down” outdoors.

Last, but not least…check out this picture apparently from HOT Texas.

Looks like it’s party time!!!

© 2009 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Just When You Think You've Seen It All...

Then, along comes an aquarium toilet.   Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?   Perhaps even more importantly, who in their right mind actually buys this stuff?   Check it out:

© 2009 Jim Braaten.   All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

You Just Don't See This Every Day

This must be the week for posting e-mails.   Another e-mail passed along to me shows a pretty unusual sight.   The message claims these photos were taken near Billings, MT with an elk tied atop a Dodge Omni.   Notice the heavy wood planks helping distribute the weight of the elk so the roof doesn’t collapse.   I’m pretty darned sure I wouldn’t want to be riding inside that car.

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

This One's Too Good Not To Share

C’mon…admit it, do you have anti-gun Democratic friends who do not seem as happy as they were immediately after the election of “The Great One?”   Maybe they’ve suddenly become worried about their personal security at home with the increasing residential crime rate they’ve been reading about.   Maybe they realize now that the police can’t be everywhere to protect them within seconds.

Introducing the S&W 18044L (“L” signifies Liberal).  You’ll note that this handsome, powerful .44 magnum handgun is a commemorative model which proudly bears the Democratic Donkey, & a large capital D that is sure to impress even your most critical Democratic friends!

Just remind your friends to be sure to get their orders in early, because demand for this limited-edition gun is expected to be very high!   And perhaps best of all, this gun requires NO NICS (National Instant Criminal Background Check System) at the time of purchase.   It’s so simple…it’s like shopping at a gun show.   You won’t even be asked to prove you’re a Democrat to own one.

with apologies to PatriotHumor.us who appears to be the originator of this graphic being widely disseminated by email.

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

How About Some Good Friday Humor?

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second guy: 'That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend.  What's the deal?'

Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said: 'Fishing or Sex?' and she said: 'Wear sun-block."

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

A Little Friday Humor

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Please help ban fox hunting --- THIS MADNESS MUST STOP!!

 

Signed,
Peter Cottontail

 

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Public Notice To All You Hunters

I think you’ll agree…this notice speaks for itself:

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.

Chase The Winter Doldrums By Completing Common Maintenance Tasks

I absolutely hate this time of the year.   Usually by now I’ve had enough of winter and I’m looking forward to some nicer weather ushered in by the spring season.   With all the nasty cold weather we’ve experienced this winter up in Minnesota, this feeling is particularly ringing true for me.   With the exception of predator hunting and some ice fishing, there just isn’t a lot going on that thrills me these days.

Nevertheless, this can be a very busy time of the year for the sportsman.   During the upcoming few weekends I’ve set some time aside for doing those pesky maintenance chores we often neglect or conveniently overlook.   Besides, these are the sort of chores you don’t want to tackle during nice weather…so this just happens to be the perfect time of the year.   Here’s a brief look at what I will be doing during the next several weeks to come:

• Organizing my gun safe and cleaning those firearms that require attention.   This includes inventorying what magazines (clips) I have so I know what additional ones I need to purchase.   Buying new batteries if I have laser sights or scopes that require them.   In essence, checking everything over to make sure that when next fall rolls around I have all the equipment I need in good working order and easily accessible.
• Sharpening my knives and placing them where they belong.   Gather up all your knives (and don’t forget about those inside your tacklebox) and put a fresh edge on them along with some light oil.   If the sheath needs some attention, correct this, as well.   I happen to use this sharpener kit and like it, but if speed and ease is more an issue for you, opt for this one.
• Organizing the tacklebox.   I typically do this late winter when I have open water fishing heavy on my mind, but it can actually be done at any time.   Recycle any old fishing line and take an inventory of what needs replacing.   More importantly, perhaps you are ready to down-size the box like I am this year.   Remove any old lures or equipment that has not been used within the past three seasons.   Chances are good if you’re not using it that “equipment” is simply causing unnecessary clutter.
• Check and charge all batteries.   I devised a personal maintenance chart to help remind me when the trolling motor battery needs charging, when the batteries for the flasher and the fish camera need a little boost.   How about those two-way radios?   A well maintained battery will save the pocketbook in replacement costs…so it’s worth the effort.
• Reload those empty cartridges and shells.   Personally, I don’t do a lot of reloading but with the cost of ammunition these days it often pays to reload those spent rounds.
• Check those waders and hip boots for leaks.   Remember during trapping season last November how your socks always seemed a bit moist?   Remember last summer when you tore your waders trout fishing in the stream and you never got around to fixing them?   Now is the time to do it while things are fresh in your memory.
• Sort those pictures from your outdoor escapades during the previous year.   Regardless whether you are in the digital age or still take film photos, organize those pictures so you know where to find them.   If they are digital, buy an external drive and back them up so if your computer crashes you don’t lose the memories.   If you take film, get those pictures into a photo album so they are organized.   Finally, do you have a fantastic photo of your buddy with his trophy deer?   Get some copies made and give them to him.
• Start planning next year’s hunt.   The deadlines are fast approaching for many hunting opportunities, particularly if you need to apply for a hunt out West.   Get the necessary applications ordered and have a meeting with your buddies so plans can begin being made.
• Maintain the decoys.   If you’re a duck hunter…does your decoys need new line or weights?   If you’re a turkey hunter, do your decoys have all the parts for proper assembly?
• Does your firearm or bow need professional maintenance?   What better time than now to get that unit into the shop.
• Take steps toward securing permission for next year.   Now is the absolute perfect time to begin a relationship with a new or different landowner.   If that landowner is a farmer, chances are good they are not busy this time of the year.   By seeking permission now for next fall it proves to the landowner you take your sport serious AND it gives you an opportunity to offer your services in exchange for that privilege.
• Go to an outdoors show or sportsman’s show (or attend a fundraising banquet).   I had to throw in at least one fun task.   Plan your schedule so you can attend local outdoor shows to not only build anticipation, but also to check out new products that are on the shelf.
• Rent some hunting, fishing or outdoor videos.   Yea, I know, the cable channels are full of outdoor programming these days…but some of the best “how to” educational information is still found in video form.   Polish up those dog handling skills or fine-tune your duck calling by renting some instructional DVDs.
• Write a letter to your elected officials.   Seriously, when is the last time you expressed to your elected officials your opinion?   If they don’t hear from you…you can be sure they will hear from someone else who has views opposing yours.   Gather up their names, addresses and express your opinion.   Now is the perfect time to do so.
• Send out a few deserving Thank You notes.   Maybe it was the local gas station attendant who helped you fix that flat tire in record time so you could still hook up with your hunting buds.   Or how about the bait shop owner who shared his “secret fishing spot” with you and the advice paid off?   Spend a moment and think about the people in your life who deserve some appreciation for their efforts.   And while you’re doing it…don’t forget the family who sacrificed you being gone so much.   They deserve your thanks as much as anybody.

Gosh, come to think of it…looks like I have more to accomplish during the upcoming weeks than I first imagined.   I better get going on the list.   Hey, leave a comment if you think I missed anything important to be doing during this “slower” time of the year. 

© 2009 Jim Braaten. All Rights Reserved.   No Reproduction without Prior Permission.